The real number. How many of us have experienced the catcalling, the casual assaults and demeaning asides, the commercial assumptions that our boobs mean we can do a job less well.
The sexual assaults. The rapes.
Huh. My phone app doesn’t even recognise ‘rape’ as a word.
Out of my women? The ones in my immediate world? The ones who haven’t experienced this are the overwhelming minority. Overwhelming.
And guess what? Reporting? Amongst us? Educated. Well brought up. Relatively advantaged people. Yeah. Almost none. It’s simply not worth it.
Being passed over for a job. Or given it because there was an expectation attached.
That barely scratches the surface but it is all a part of the same disease.
Being attacked and taken advantage of, having sex assumed as a part of business. Being fourteen with a hefty rack and ‘those’ comments on the street.
The assumption that being born a certain gender allows another gender to assume a right over their/our actions. They deserve sex. In any or all of its forms. With or without consent. Because that just doesn’t really matter to so very many people.
Women, men, people, as solely a channel for sex. Not for closeness. Not for engagement. Not for anything else. Is this taught somehow? Is it ingrained and the lucky ones escape it? Sure. If that is all that is wanted on both sides, go nuts.
And yes. I completely and utterly understand that this is #notallmen. But can I somehow make it clear that it is a hell of a lot of us women?
I’ve spoken to so many men who say they are here, behind us, but they just don’t see it around them.
Dudes. That is the problem. Those finding the line and stepping way over it are doing it in a way to not be seen, or to be so overt as to become caricature and be swept aside. They didn’t mean it. It was a joke. Don’t you have a sense of humour?
Sure. I don’t present as a victim. I don’t ask for pity or sympathy. I’m a strong, independent woman running her own business. That doesn’t mean the word doesn’t apply.
I wonder what got us here? Not trusting the men around us in casual situations was always a given. That it is even more casually accepted in professional situations is just an example of how far we have gone.
As a society, we really need to be questioning this entire thinking.
Why is sexual assault presented by the media overwhelmingly as a list of things the woman could have done to avoid an attack? How is this even relevant?
How is it ok for a group of blokes to drink themselves to oblivion, and use that as an excuse for their actions, and for women it is simply blame? Short skirt. High heels. Had been drinking. Should have expected this.
Seriously. If we’ve got to a point where expecting this is ‘normal’, maybe not right, but boys will be boys, then maybe we should just give up. Let the planet wipe itself out, because that is just not even slightly ok.
If you want respect, you should behave well, by the polite nuances of society and not see other people, or animals, or anything that is not you yourself as property. Toys. Things to be used.
THINGS.
Not people.
This last couple of weeks fail to surprise me at all. Working in wine means that over a couple of decades and change I’ve seen, heard and endured all of this. But it’s certainly not exclusive to any industry. Or indeed any gender.
A friend. Chatting about these things. Says: “It’s ok. My girlfriend can stand up for herself. Like you.”
But why should we have to? Why should we endure this, to stand up for ourselves?
The venue manager. Sacked for being ‘handsy’ with both staff AND customers. Got another job almost immediately. And his… ‘issues’ were not exactly unknown. I’ve heard him brag about it.
The publican. Told me to get out, get the REAL winemaker and bring HIM back. Emphasis his.
The chef. Thought all the ‘girls’ were fair game. Oh, just joking, don’t take me so seriously. His dick was out. In the cool room. Which is reprehensible on multiple levels. Slapped my arse as I managed to get out. I was so young.
All of this is wrong. All of it is broken.
And I’ll keep standing up for myself, and for others. But the way our society stands is to stamp down on others.
And that’s not right. And those left trying to fix it are the ones being stamped down.
Colour me utterly unsurprised that this behaviour has cropped up within the halls of power.
And utterly unsurprised that our glorious leader has failed to act with any integrity. How about we vote a human in next time?
dontcallmekatie 